


April Fools

by orphan_account



Category: South Park
Genre: A little bit of smut but not a lot, April Fools' Day, Boyfriends, Confessions, Established Relationship, Fluff, Grinding, Hair Dyeing, M/M, Sloppy Makeouts, lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-04 07:41:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20467442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Cartman has been extra annoying these past few weeks, and Kyle has his heart set on some light-hearted revenge.





	April Fools

Here was the deal with pranks. 

They have been present in Kyle’s and Cartman’s relationship pretty much since day one and yeah, anybody with decent common sense would have guessed that by now, Kyle _maybe_ should have seen them coming. __

_ _But that was not the case. There was no logic or foreshadowing in Cartman’s actions._ _

_ _Not when he got entire nations to believe that him, Kyle and the Ginger-cow were long lost prophecies about to come true. Kyle wasn’t all that surprised, Cartman did that type of other worldly shit all the time._ _

_ _But out of all the schemes and plots that Cartman pulled and got away with -- what finally got Kyle to snap -- was when a goddamn prank revealed their relationship to South Park High. How did Cartman pull of such a thing, you may ask? _ _

_ _They were in the janitors closet, making out as they usually did during the last half of lunch in the privacy of their little space. But this time it was more passionate than usual, and Cartman inched away from sucking at his neck (undoubtedly leaving hickies behind) to tell Kyle that he loved him. And well, of course Kyle said it back. _ _

_ _That was also when Cartman turned to a well-hidden camera hidden behind mop hair, that was live broadcasting on Instagram live to yell, “YOU HEARD THE MAN, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE ARE GAY!” _ _

_ _The only reason Kyle didn’t break it off was because later on that night, Cartman told him he loved him, like for real, in the privacy of his bedroom. Kyle stayed the night and needless to say, walked home limping the following morning._ _

_ _So it was the logical thing to do when April Fools was creeping up on the calendar, to mutually agree that no pranks shall occur. And at the time, Kyle planned on sticking to his word. _ _

_ _But that was past Kyle. _ _

_ _Present-Kyle was staring into the mirror, with ink stained hands as he slathered on temporary black hair dye. And no, he is not a hypocrite. Let him explain, okay?_ _

_ _You see, Cartman had been extra annoying these past few weeks, making all kinds of snarky comments on how he looked like a jewish strawberry shortcake, and at one point, even called him his ‘inverted carrot” in a baby voice as he squeezed his cheeks. Stan was red-faced from trying to hold back his laughter. _ _

_ _The first three nicknames might have been funny, but the last ten were seriously getting on Kyle’s nerves and April Fools seemed like the perfect opportunity for some revenge._ _

_ _They had a date night planned and he was going to his boyfriend’s house in a few hours, so Kyle had to work quickly. He was scrubbing the dye in, his hands stained with black when his phone vibrated on the marble counter._ _

_ _“Shit…” Kyle flipped his phone over carefully with his elbows, and pressed answer. It took multiple attempts but he got there eventually._ _

_ _“Sup’ bitch.”_ _

_ _“Hi, Cartman.”_ _

_ _“I’m at the store, and I forgot what you wanted. Did you want to bake brownies...cookies...or- _holy shit._”___ _

_ _ _ _“What happened?” Kyle asked as he continued to work the product into his hair, his phone set on speaker on the sink counter._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“Jew.”_ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“Huh?”_ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“I am currently staring at a package of cookie-brownies. Cookie batter on top of brownie batter. What the fuck. Can I get it, Kyle? Pleaseeee?”_ _ _ _

_ _ _ _Kyle laughed under his breath, still amused and _very_ endeared at the fact that his boyfriend still asked his permission for anything and everything.___ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“Go ahead, fatass. Take your time while you’re at it.”_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“You are the best, my little walking fire torch.” _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“Of course.”_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“I’m gonna go pay for this shit!” Cartman said on the other side of the line, excitement undoubtedly laced in his voice. Kyle could just imagine him bouncing on his heels in the store aisle._ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“Bye!” Kyle hung up and turned on the showerhead to rinse off the hair-dye._ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _—————————_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _Kyle watched as the black dye stained the water in his bathtub. He dried his hair, then stared at his foreign reflection in the mirror. _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _He fluffed it around in his hands, quite satisfied at how dark his hair was. More specifically, how _not-red_ it was. Although he really didn’t like the way it looked on him, he had always thought that his flame-red hair added character, but maybe that was a plus to this whole charade.___ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _He grabbed his dark green beanie that Cartman gave him, (Cartman handed it to him with a note that read: _‘4 ur ugly ass ginger hair lol’_) off his bedsheets and stuffed it on top of his head. Some dark curly strands of his hair were escaping and peaking out, but that was no bother. He was prepared as to how he would hide it anyways.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Kyle walked out of his house and shut the door behind him, and sighed contently as the cool spring air enveloped his body. The sky was pink and purple, day turning to night, and he was on his way to see his boyfriend that he loved way too much for his own good. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _He was happy._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _A couple of minutes later, the infamous green house was in sight. He walked up to the door, knocked and waited patiently._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Hey Je- Mph.” Kyle stepped forward as soon as the door opened and claimed Cartman’s lips. Kyle’s hands found their way around Cartman’s neck, and at first Cartman was in shock of his boldness and initiative that he didn’t know what to do with his arms, but it passed and they slid down to Kyle’s waist and lower back as per usual._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _The kiss got more intense and sloppy, and just as Kyle had planned, Cartman lifted him off the ground and Kyle wrapped his legs around his waist tightly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _The redhead grabbed a handful of chocolate brown locks, tugging softly as he whispered into Cartman’s ear, “God, I want you so bad.” _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _To undo him even more, Kyle latched his mouth onto Cartman’s neck, choosing a spot and sucking softly. Since he was in such close proximity of his boyfriend he could very clearly hear his breath hitch, and he smirked to himself at how well his plan was going. This was going to be sweet._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Heh, I want you too, Kyle.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Take me to your room then, dumbass.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Cartman grunted when Kyle bit his earlobe and shut the door with his foot. He carried Kyle all the way to the bedroom and just to his luck, the lights were off and things were going accordingly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Cartman deposited Kyle onto his bed, and began to claw off his sweater. He carelessly threw it aside on the floor, and shoved his knee in between Kyle’s legs and linked hands with him as he hovered above._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“You in heat or what?” Cartman asked, as he lapped his tongue against the skin on Kyle’s neck. Kyle gripped at his broad, sloped shoulders that turned him on to no extent._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Is it not possible that I just want you?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Cartman pulled away and had a serious look on his face. “Hey, I’m not complaining.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Perfect.” Kyle pushed him off and climbed on top, admiring his boyfriend as he began to stroke at his chest lovingly. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _The lights were off in his room and the only source of light was the dim purple sunset. Cartman was soft yet dense beneath his fingertips, and Kyle couldn't get enough. Cartman stifled a moan as Kyle place a hand on his chest and started to slowly move his hips, panting softly as he glared into boyfriend’s electric blue eyes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Shit… Kyle.” Cartman screwed his eyelids shut and surged his own hips against Kyle's._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _The grunts and groans that flowed out of his mouth the next following minutes shouldn’t have been so hot as it was. Kyle’s dick was straining against his jeans now from the pressure and contact. He lowered himself onto Cartman’s chest, stooping low to kiss him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Their mouths clashed, and the kiss was open-mouthed and filthy and they would occasionally stop moving their lips when the slow grind they had going felt too good. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _The prank was at the very back of his mind as Kyle wound his hips back and forth, and he was awfully reminded of it when Cartman pulled at his hat in the heat of things, revealing dark black curls instead of bright red._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Mhmm… what the- WHAT THE FUCK!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Cartman threw Kyle off his lap and onto the other side of the bed, backing up as if he had contracted some ill disease. Kyle really had to hold back his laughter as Cartman glared at him, wide eyed with a horrified look on his face._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Do you like it, babe?” He purred, and added a wink for good measure. He knew that this was bad when Cartman’s mouth was still wide open, unaffected by his half-hearted flirting._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Kyle slouched his shoulders when Cartman stayed silent. “Oh, come on! Say something!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“You... look like Marsh. Oh my god. What the actual fuck is going on.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Hey! I do not look like Stan, asshole!” Kyle wasn’t sure why he was offended by that but he was._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“No, no, no, this is so wrong on so many levels. Your hair, it’s-”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“It’s…” Kyle urged him to finish his sentence when it took him a while to try to form his words._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Cartman extended his arm to his head. “Ruined!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Well, that threw him off guard. Kyle tilted his head sideways as he asked, “Ruined?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Cartman frantically nodded. “Yes!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Wait, what? Then why do you keep making annoying nicknames about my hair, asshole?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“You are an idiot.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“I don’t get what you are saying.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“God, I-,” Cartman scratched at the back of his head and averted his eyes. His hands turned white from gripping the bed sheets too hard. “I like, love your stupid red hair, you dumbass Jew.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _It was Kyle’s turn to feel flustered. He was beginning to think that maybe he was the one getting pranked. But the pure horror in Cartman's eyes as he continued to stare at his hair was enough evidence that he was not._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Are you being serious?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Yes!” _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Kyle didn’t know what he was expecting but it definitely wasn’t this. He was very aware of the unwarranted crimson painting his cheeks. “Wow, um, that’s really sweet Cartman. Thank you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Uh, don’t mention it,” Cartman cleared his throat and added for good measure, “Jew.” His dark brow was cocked and he was leaned back on his arms._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Kyle nodded slowly. “It’s temporary, by the way. The hair.” Kyle pointed to the black curls that were spilling onto his face._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Cartman let out a sigh of relief, placing a hand to his chest. “Oh, thank God. I thought you were gonna have to buzz that shit off.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Shut up, asshole.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Make me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Kyle shook his head, smiling as he crawled his way over to his boyfriend, straddling his hips as he leaned in for a kiss. He was taken by surprise when instead of Cartman’s lips, he felt two fingers smushed in the middle of his mouth, stopping him from going any further._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“If you put your hat back on, then we may continue. You still look like the hippie and I can’t get it out of my head.” Cartman offered as a compromise, eyebrows still furrowed and face unsure. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Kyle grinned at him. His heart was completely full at his boyfriend's stupidity and his dick half hard in his jeans._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Naturally, the hat went back on._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> Please, please, please leave a comment/kudos if you enjoyed! <3


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